I love the saying “fly by the seat of your pants” because it makes me wonder what series of events occurred to make that an actual saying. The mental imagery is amazing.
so i. was in. the bathroom and. i put lotion. on my hands. and then i tried. to leave. the bathroom and. slippery doornoob. not open. i had much struggle. autocorrect is. telling me i. do a bad job. at spell. but i still require. doornoob assistance. help please.
We complain when life gives us lemons but we neglect to ask where the lemons are coming from in the first place. Where is life getting all these lemons? Who’s their provider?
*having a fight with my sister*
Sister: i hate you
Me: don’t say that
Sister: i don’t like you
Me: that’s better
Me: *trying to connect phone to Bluetooth speaker*
Speaker: *refusing to work*
Phone: *refusing to connect*
Me: *turns Bluetooth off and on*
Speaker: *standby noise* ight mate ‘m ready to go
Phone: *still refusing to connect*
Me: Why won’t you connect?
Phone: * “Scanning for nearby Bluetooth device” *
Me: *literally standing right next to speaker*
Phone: * “Scan failed” *
Me: You’re thinking too hard darling. You need to stop
Phone: oh sorry love wasn’t quite sure there, but now am
Speaker: *chipper little “connected” noise*
Speaker: ’bout time you numpty
Me: *at the doctor’s*
Nurse: *reads my shirt, which says “I’m Not Lazy, I Just Really Enjoy Doing Nothing” *
Nurse: i like that
Nurse: *asks me to get up on the weighing scale*
Me: you’re about to see why I got this shirt
Sister: *singing ‘Gaston‘ from “Beauty and the Beast” *
Sister: Who plays darts like Gaston?
Sister: Who breaks hearts like Gaston?
Sister: Who’s much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?
Me: *deep, melodious voice* AS A SPECIMEN, YES, I’M INTIMIDATING!
Me: that was actually really good
Sister: yeah actually it was
Me: WHO’S OUSTED IN SINGING JUST LIKE GASTON?
Sister: no kidding